TW: Dysphoria, Transphobia, Self harm.
I never understood anon hate. I’ve received my fair share, but I replied to it sarcastically or told them to go away or something. I thought it was stupid how they were wasting their time “insulting” me because I didn’t give a shit.
When people killed themselves due to anon hate, not hundreds of messages, just one really awful message, it made no sense to me how one person that was irrelevant to this person’s life was killing them. Someone died because of something one person said.
But I get it now. One comment can push someone over the edge.
Today, someone in my English class, an acquaintance, kept calling me by my birth name, after I told him to stop. He wouldn’t. I’m not out to my school, but I think he’s figured out I’m trans* and maybe he doesn’t like that, or just wants to make fun of me, or maybe he thinks it’s funny. I was close to tears and ready to cut myself, honestly wishing I were at home so I could just cut myself. I had to get up and just sit in a vacant seat on the other side of the room.
He doesn’t know what he did. A teacher asked what he did, and he was shocked to think he did something wrong. The rest of the day, I couldn’t get that out of my mind. Nothing else went wrong all day. In advisory a friend of mine kept calling me ‘she’ and because of earlier, I was close to an anxiety attack.
This has been the worst day of this school year. Because of one word, my birth name. (Well, one word, repeated, over and over.)
TL;DR: Today sucked.
PS: I’m alive.
